Glorious Mid-terms

I am sitting in Science Building 2 at Portland State, watching a girl cry from frustration from the exam and pondering of the tedious Organic Chemistry mid-term. The packet was thick and full of thought-provoking problems. I like Organic Chemistry, except it requires a lot of practice. Thus I do not think I recieved an A because I did not practice much. But like the saying goes, practice makes perfect! I suppose I should of placed more dedication? But instead of going home to study after church, I wanted to go to Red Lobsters with Vita, Val, and Diana. I do not regret it because we had a marvelous time. We spoke of life and how complicated it can get. Seems as if recently everyone has someone whom they love in their life that is going through tribulations. I suppose that is the beauty of Christianity.
2 Corinthians 12:9-"His strength is made perfect in our weakness." Which means, when we go through hardships, we call upon Christ. When he comes and rescues us from either physical, emotional, mental, or spiritual death, his might and strength is glorified.

I have been trying to focus and change for the better. From remaining calm in times of high strain, to learning to serve others more. No matter what happens in life, I want to be able to remain humble, and see my neighbor as a better servent then myself. This mentality will always keep me learning. I do not know why, But people who have high egos tend to make me feel ill. They make my spirit heavy. Cause me to go through emotional and spiritual emisis. Why do people have to put someone down in order to place themselves on a pedistool? What is the benefit of that? I certainly see nothing beneficial.

I want to become a close servent of Christ. Be the daughter whom he wants me to be. I have noticed the people whom I spend time with have a large effect on me. If I am with someone who is passive about life, I become somewhat sluggish and my soul cries. When I am people full of joy and look at Christ no matter what the life circumstances are, those people inspire me towards perfection. May the Lord help surround me with such individuals!

Right now, I'm listening to This Love by MaryMary. Amazing song! Pumps me up and provides a positive attitude. I have realized the huge influence music tends to have on me too. If I am feeling down, I play upbeat music, and it automatically puts a smile on my face. I become careless of the negatives and choose to enjoy the good things of life. If i'm feeling antsy, or want to calm down, I turn on classical. It has an instant effect of calming me down. I glorify God for such beautiful musical fusion. Basically, I breath music. Had it not been created by my Creator, I do not know how I would destress at times. I believe that Christ helps us all out through different methods. Some through people, others through music, yet others through nature.

I love going out into a scenic place and simply sitting down to observe. While listening to the soothing music entering my ears and processed by my frontal cortex, I realize the beauty of life. God has made everything in His image. If what we have here on earth is so magical, how much more in heaven! My mind cannot comprehend the grand beauty of eternity!

These are some recent questions I have been meditating and asking myself:

Through Jesus Sacrifice the Father was Satisfied

When Christ drew his last breath, the debt of Salvation was paid

Do I enjoy fellowship with God?

Am I sensitive to sin?

Do I obey God's word?

Do I reject the evil world?

Do I eagerly await Christ's return?

Do I see a decreased pattern of sin in my life?

Do I love other Christians?

Do I experience answered prayer?

Do I discern between truth and error?

Do I have the witness of the spirit?

Am I persecuted for my faith?

First book of John - All answers.

Basically, as I grow I want to melt in the love of my father. May the Lord grant time wisdom and discipline me towards the narrow road.

God always wins. Amen.

D&D Wedding 9.13.08

Pictures

My Baby Neice Melania

From Right to Left; Oldest to Youngest

My Lovely Sisters Dorina, Yelena, Dominika

Yana, Dorie, Me, Mia, Yelena, Dominika

All of us bridesmaids

Three Types of Love

The 3 Types of Love

There are three types of love:

1) Eros love - known as "erotic love". It is based on strong feelings toward another. It usually occurs in the first stages of a man-woman "romantic" relationship.This love is based more on physical traits. Say a person says he has "fallen in love" for a woman, because "she looked like an angel" (sheesh). Or a woman "falls in love" for a guy because he is intelligent, has good breeding, etc.The weakness with this type of love is obvious. It is based more on "self-benefit", of what can benefit you rather than the other person. This is "I love you because it feels good, and makes ME happy loving you." See? The keyword is the word "ME".When that person doesn't "feel happy" anymore in loving that person, she/he is led to believe that she/he has "fallen out of love". Actually, there was never "true love" in the first place. The fact is, love by feelings alone cannot be called "true love" simply because they do not know each other that much yet.Two people feel this strong emotional attraction towards one another, though they barely really know about each other's personalities. A person usually puts her/his best foot forward, showing only her/his good side. In order to be sure if "true love" exists, two people must know and accept each others' good and bad traits.Furthermore, they must have gone through a lot of time with each other, going through BOTH joys and sorrows, pains and pleasures, and still end up together. A lot of sacrifice towards each other is therefore essential.It is love that is untested by hardships, and therefore may or may not last in the long-term. It may or may not develop into a higher form of love - philos love. Eros love can only succeed in the long-term if it progresses into a higher form of love. Otherwise, it will not last.The romantic feeling common in "eros love" is natural, and an important part of a relationship between a man and a woman. Romance also plays a role in strengthening the bonds, especially at the start of a relationship. This is part of God's plan.What we need to be careful of is assuming a relationship must be "real love" just because it is romantic, because all we feel is happiness. As with most anything in life, we must learn to use both our heart and mind to judge if something is real.Be careful also of being in love with the "concept of love" itself, rather than for who the person is. TV. movies, media has "romanticized" so much, it is often hard to see reality from fiction.You must love a person for her/his uniqueness, not because you simply want to feel the joy of "being in love." Such a love is concerned more with the "self" rather than the partner.Over-relying on pure emotion without the balance of logic is a recipe for failure.

2) Philos love - a love based on friendship between two people.It is true that two lovers that start out by being friends first before becoming partners usually are the relationships that last more, long-term.Friendship is the foundation of a successful relationship. This is true whether it is marriage, or boyfriend-girlfriend, relationship betweeen family members, relationship with co-workers, employer, etc.In the case of a man-woman romantic relationship, the advantage is you get to know each other first, before committing to a more serious relationship above friendship.You start out as friends, then admire each other, then possibly strong emotions can suddenly appear over time and you both realize you miss each other more. It takes time, and is patient (love is patient, love is kind!).This is in contrast to a man-woman romantic relationship which starts out by "eros love", meaning you get attracted by physical/mental traits alone. Strong emotions start almost immediately (some would even say "love at first sight"), though you do not even know each other that much.With eros love, you see only each other's strengths/good side, everything is rosy, mushy feeling of happiness, etc. Again, you cannot judge "real love" between two people based on strong emotions alone.Philos love is a love based on "give-and-take", where two people benefit each other in a mutual way. One partner is still concerned with what she/he can take, but at the same time is also concerned with her/his partner's benefit and therefore gives back in return.Therefore, philos is a higher type of love than eros. Philos love is a mutual, "give-and take" relationship, while eros love is a self-based, form of love that is more concerned with the "self" or self-benefit.Like eros love, philos love must develop into a higher form of love, the highest love of all - "agape" or unconditional love.

3) Agape - unconditional loveThe third and highest type of love is "agape", or unconditional love.Agape love is above philos love and eros love. It is a love that is totally selfless, where a person gives out love to another person even if this act does not benefit her/him in any way. Whether the love given is returned or not, the person continues to love (even without any self-benefit).Say, you help out a person, even though that person hates you and curses you. Or you take insults from your partner without hitting back, all the while forgiving and praying for your partner to amend her/his ways. Or the famed "unconditional love" that a mother has for her child (her child will always be the most beautiful child in the world to her, even with a face only a mother could love!).Or the love we show our parents, taking care of them and helping them in their old age. Just like they took care of us when we were young, it is done with or without benefit in return.However, the highest type of agape love is not human at all, but divine - God's unconditional love for us, His children.God's love was shown to us the most when God the Father sent His one and only Son, Jesus Christ to his suffering and death on the cross for our salvation. There is no greater love than this. Jesus had no obligation to die for us, but He chose to. It is His gift, His ultimate gift.He chose to die for us because He knew what would happen to us, to all mankind if He left us on our own. Without Jesus' death on the cross, mankind is doomed to eternal damnation, no soul will be able to enter eternal life in Heaven.The sins of mankind (since the first sin at Eden by Adam and Eve) have become so many and so great that no man can "redeem himself" by his own means alone. Even if each person "suffered and died on the cross", it will not be enough to "repay sins' debts" to God. Only the Begotten Son of God, Jesus Christ Himself, dying on that cross for us would "repay our debts of sin".First Corinthians 13:4-8 provides a perfect description for agape : "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails."In essence, eros love is "physical", philos love is "mental", and agape love is "spiritual". Thus, it is made up of the three fundamental elements of man: physical, mental and spiritual.

ImmortalFeminity/Kibitskaya

ImmortalFeminity/Kibitskaya

I walked the streets of dirty roads, I’ve passed buildings with many broken windows.Windows to many broken souls. Windows that were left open, or perhaps violently broken into;cut and bleeding feminine souls.Girls, women! it’s to you I speak.You, whose heart is in pieces, sliced by arrogance, silence, or the brutal cold of an iceberg, in our day and time we labeled a man.Too many of you know exactly what I’m talking about. Too many of you sold yourselves short. Too many of you sacrificed your morals and your values to please a man to fulfill the heartless selfish desires of a man. Too many of you have been stabbed right where it hurts. Too many of you watched your heart torn in front of your eyes, and too many of you with your own bare hands helped tear it. All for him. You plunged a knife into your own chest because you thought it would give him life. You tied a noose around your own throat because you believed your death would save him.Suffocating in pain, drowning in blood you silently whisper “I did it for love”…But the world doesn’t understand, the heart of the world is frozen. It’s brutal ice.And the world laughs at your pain and dresses you up in ugly names. Slut. Whore. Prostitute. Tramp.It all started out with a sacrifice you thought was made to love.And if you strip all the lies, untie all the masks you put on truth, you know, he never really cared.And too many of you have questioned if your life is still worth living. If anything still matters, now that he’s gone. …
Stop right there.
And there are too many of you who believe the hole in your heart is the shape of a prince. Who believe happiness hides in a white dress, roses and diamonds. Too many of you who are murdering your youth in search for something that doesn’t exist. An illusion the world painted for you. A trap the beast has set. A beautiful trap designed in romance, and sprayed with the fragrance of lust. And you are passed around from the hands of one man to another, yet none of them are cutout to fill that empty space, within your heart.. And you are ready to give up, you are about to just give in… and settle. The ceremony of the white dress is blinding you, and the sparkles of the diamond ring cloud your vision..
Stop right there.
This message is for you. Untie all masks, let the pain in, remove the artificial smile, stop hiding behind empty laughter, it hurts but it’s real. Close your eyes and feel the loneliness, feel the empty space you are desperately seeking to fill.That space is not the shape of a prince. That pain is only a reflection in a mirror. A painful cry to bring you back, back to where you first were meant to be. In the arms of God. That pain is nothing more than an attempt to save you from an ugly fate. That pain is nothing more than a tight life jacket that is keeping you from drowning. Keeping you from the depths of a cruel ocean. That hole in your heart is the shape of an old tarnished cross and nothing else will ever be able to fill it. Please hear me!
You are not just a girl. You are not another typical woman. You were not created to live the life of passing dust. Don’t fight for it. You are the daughter of the King of kings. You are a queen. And royal blood flows through your veins. Don’t settle for a lifestyle of a slave. Of a lifestyle ruled by a curse! Don’t sacrifice your throne for the flesh of a man. Your kingdom needs you. And the Kings pain is reflected in your broken hearts. And every fragment of your torn up heart is nothing more than a reflection of the pain He feels when you’re gone.And you are gone….You don’t hear His cry. And your silence pierces his heart, and your desire for the flesh of man seeps into his open wounds like the salt waters of an ocean. He’s hurting. Because while the space in your heart is the shape of a cross, the space in His is the shape of you!He’s still there. There on the hill of Calvary.. Dripping blood and waiting, waiting for you to save Him. Let Him off that old tarnished cross. It’s you He’s waiting for!Heaving chest and a gentle whisper “why can’t you love me like that?!” “it’s what I died for…”
You are a vessel of immortal femininity. Devine femininity. You carry the heart of God within you. Open your eyes. See!Don’t let your pain be your weakness. Don’t be ashamed of it! Don’t be a slave to it. Instead allow that pain to be the throne of God. It’s in your weakness His power is made perfect. Offer that pain as a sacrifice for His throne. Let that pain become your source for strength. Draw courage out of it. Boldness! And stand! Speak! Don’t run from it. You won’t escape, for you are that pain. Hear the voice of your Father, feel the gentle embrace of your Savior… Smell the sweet fragrance of the Holy Spirit..You are a Holy woman of God. You have a place in the kingdom. You have authority over this world. Take it! You are pure and spotless in His eyes! And the dirt of this world has no grip on you! And the labels this world tries to put on you will burn off by the fires of the Holy spirit! And anyone who blasphemes against you, will fall in front of you! Your enemies will fall to your right and to your left! You possess the divine femininity this world hungers for! And nature groans for!
Break free from the chains this world has tied you in. and like Samson tear these heavy chains as if they were made of straw. Your power isn’t hidden in your hair. Your power is hidden in your identity. Don’t let the world rob you of it. Because without it, like Samson you will lose your authority and your power.You’ve been living a slave for too long! Your Dad is sick of watching His daughters bow down to the illusions of this world! He is sick of being replaced by white dresses and diamond rings. He wants you more than you ever wanted or will want the arms or heart of any man!Fill that empty space within His heart, take your crown, and your ring of authority, fill that empty throne within His kingdom! Let him off that cross!
Introduce the new you to this world. Clothed in royalty. And if you bleed, drip of royal divine blood!And your blood will heal the wounds of others. And your blood will be the salvation of others. And your blood will be life for others…
You are the daughter of the King of kings, take on your crown, put on your ring and claim authority.Don’t bow to the shallow illusions of this world… it’s only passing dust!

Saturday Evening

August 2, 2008

Today was a fun-filled day. I was able to complete a few errands that were on my list.

I woke up to a voice mail from Dina. She asked me if I can stay with her kids. I was like, sure why not? After dressing, went to pick up the three rascals (Nerses, Karinka, Georgik).

But Nerses got lucky and went fishing with Uncle Kostya. I think that is good when young children get exposed to the nature. Parents should let their children play outside because this exposes them to new learning possibilities.

So I took the other two rascals with me to the store. We purchased Natalie Globak a gift. Her birthday was on Monday, July 28th. But I got her a present only now. Kinda lame, eh? Oh well. It's the taught that counts. I had to wait for my paycheck. =)

Also, I purchased some purple shampoo called Shimer Lights. It is a specific brand for blonde hair. It keeps it light and rejuvinated. For conditioner, I use this bomb softner stuff by Loreal. Love how it smells, feels, everything.

Since the two were behaving, I promised to take them to the store where they could purchase chips. George wanted spicy cheetos and Karina wanted cool ranch doritos. Too bad, George won. All he needs to do is give out a little squeel and whine, and he gets what he wants. What a little brat. I guess my mother says I used to be like that as a child. I would go to the store and stand next to the product that I wanted without moving. My mother would not be able to move me. It was as if I was permanently stuck. What a determined little child. I tried this once, and realized that it probably was not such a good idea. My mom tried to de-cement me from my spot, and I fell on the floor crying and screaming while kicking my legs against the ground. After getting a beating at home, I realized that was not such a bright move. Never tried that episode again.

Anyway, back to George and his cheetos. Basically the two are inseperable. Ironically, he hated spicy food and zesty onions when he was younger. I guess people and tastebuds change!

After the store, we drove home. I pulled out the hose, soap, and rags to wash my car with. Karina and George both helped me wash the gray Toyota Camery. Oh boy, did it sparkle! Afterwards, I pulled out the vacuum and George was so cute, he wanted to vacuum the back of the car. I was like, sure! Go for it! Knock yourself out! What a perfectionist. After him, there is no hint of mess. It was clean! Did it feel good be able to sit in a neat, clean vehicle! Its as if I took two years off my car.

Afterwards, Godiva, Dove (Solomiya) and I planned to meet at Panera Bread Co. at the mall for our first bible study. Well, I arrived there at 7:30 to find only Godiva. Dove was driving from Vakulski's church baptism and did not make it. So, Godiva and I had an appetizer at Chili's and drove to Skittles' (Vita K) house for dessert. Godiva was a sweet heart and payed for the food. She is always great like that. I feel bad because whenever I go out with her, I never have my money on me, and she pays. Not very ideal. But God bless her heart. At Skittles' house, her dear sister Lesia made some delicious biscuit dessert. It was covered with caramelized apples with cinnamon and whip cream. Yuuuuummy! How healthy at 12am, eh?

And now, I am home comfortable in my bed thinking about tomorrow. I have so much work to do. A tun of homework and laundry to fold. Oh well, it is good when I am kept occupied.

As for now, bonne nuit.

Dieu bénissent!

Juicy Fruit.

Up n'Runnin

August 1, 2008

I just woke up from a 5 hour power nap. I had not slept since Wednesday night, and had started feeling a little on the iffy side. Now, I feel well-rested. Except i'm like a night-hawk with nothing to do, or no where to go. I am so lame chatting away on netruss chat!!!

This one dude is telling me how he dated some girl 5 years ago, and what a whore she is. How sad? Even if she did mess up in life, half a decade passes and you still tell others how she made a wrong choice? That is sad. Shows what kind of person this guy is. Instead of blessing his ex, or praying for her, he put her down and mocked her. In return, this cannot bring blessing upon him. It will bring shame and embarassment.

Matthew 7:12 says, "Therefore, whatever you want men to do to you, do also to them, for this is the Law and the Prophets.

Why do people have to do that? Why mention the negatives verses the positives? Okay, so you date, and things do not work out. Boohoo. Be a man! Do not add more to the story. Do not boost your ego by lowering her womans-worth. His actions show me that he is insecure. By mocking her, he recieves some form of satisfaction. That satisfaction is temporary and not fulfilling. It is interesting how he does not see himself as the whore too. If you sleep with a whore, then you ARE one too! Correct? Oh how I want to mentor, or explain to young women the importance of setting morals and keeping them. At the end, there is blessings and fulfillment.

[Q: Should I consider asking the pastor for this opportunity? Speaking to girls as early as age 12+? I would tie it in with examples from he bible and biblical principles.]

I'm sitting on a nifty, wooden chair my little brother Peter built in his Wood Shop Class. It is quite luxurious. But before sitting down, I had to turn the cushion over. Our black, skinny cat likes to leave behind his history of hairballs. Ick.

I like writing these posts, it helps me get what is on my mind in writing. Always nice to have. I can visualize myself reading these posts years from now and being shocked and entrigued.

That's the beauty of life!

=)

I wish I were not tired and had gone fishing with Kyle's church tonight. It is so fun when I go. Now, I am not referring to fishing as the hobby, but rather of people.

Mark 1:16-20, Jesus says, " Follow me, and I will turn you into fishers of people."

Kyle's church gathers at 7pm Friday evenings, and give praise and worship for about an hour. Then they head out to the Clackamas Town Center Mall where they simply find people to talk to. This is so encouraging. There are people who do not know Jesus even in the simplest form. They virually know nothing about Christ or salvation. Others refuse to listen, wereas others begin crying and sharing their life stories. It is truly a blessing when I go. But I face a scheduling dilemma. On Friday evenings, I have youth choir rehearsal. Thus, whenever I have the chance to join The Net Gathering Church for fishing, I'll make sure to post a blog of my experience.

The Net Gathering Church Webpage:

http://www.thenetgathering.org/index.html

Alrighty, I think i'm going to stop here for now, and go grab a scrumptious tangerine.

My daddy bought it. Just for me =)

Oh and last thing before I go. I find my father as the dearest man. He goes grocery shopping, and always purchases russian sausage and bread. So when I asked him to purchase fruit, he came home with a huge variety. He bought grapes, nectarines, granny smith apples, cherries, raspberries, blueberries, and tangerines. Now that's a man! Instead of hearing a possible complain of, "What? I don't like this fruit." He took a wide variety and played it safe. Wise, eh? Also, the cutest thing is when he reminds me, "Marinochka, podevisya tam y xolodilniky ya she kypiv molochny kolbasky dlya tebe." What a sweet heart. I love my daddy.

As for my mother, she is a wonderful woman of God. Her and I have many funny mother-daughter stories. Not the kind that a friend-friend share, but the sort that a mother-daugther might share. One of these days, I will be sure to type it all out.

Alright. Night Night. God bless.

Marina.

My First Blogette.

August 1, 2008.

Well, I've always seen people have these blog postings, and I have thought of them as fairly nifty. Thus, I suppose my day has come to start one up. I will write openly of my daily experiences and anything else that I may come across.

Reason for my name: Marina (because that is my name)

Marina \m(a)-ri-na\ is pronounced mah-REE-nah. It is of Latin origin, and its meaning is "from the sea".

Juicy Fruit (Nickname Twix gave me).

Now, I like the name, but I do not care for the gum too much. The flavor vanishes far too quickly.

Blogette (Because it reminds me of a baguette which is super scrumptious!)

I was born in Chernivtsi, Ukraine on January 31, 1988.

Immigrated to Portland, Oregon on September 8, 1993.

I was 5 years of age.

I remember collecting

to purchase bubble-gum. Things were cheap back in the day.

Walking to school in the mornings was always exciting because that meant I got to walk with my cute crush neighbor. Those were the days. . . When boys would bring me nickles, and candy. When girls would either pull on my pig-tails or would befriend me.

Then I went to middle school.

Then high school.

Currently....HARD school. (a.k.a. The University)

PSU...give me that bachelors!

Started life knowing the Lord, stirred away, and now, stirred right back stronger than ever and here to stay!

I will definately be incorporating my past in my future blogs...But as for now, that would take a life time.

Today:

Chemistry 222 Mid-term #2

Opened Blogette

Planned for Camp

Am going to get some Zzzs

Godiva (aka Becky, Natalie Teleguz) had a lasik eye procedure. Yikes!